May 8th. Weird how two opposite feelings can take place in a same lame mind. I went to that incredible thing all alone. I was into to another dimension during Marillion show while my heart was hit by invisible knifes. The happiest and the saddest guy on Earth met each other and found out that they shared a bunch of things.
I simply dunno why I’m writing this at my bed on a tablet, difficult thing to do, but I only feel that I need to talk a bit. Talk about frustration, about the ruling cynism that controls many people regarding others’ feelings. I’m just absolutely sick and tired to know and be played around with a bunch idiots. Hey, do you take kindness for weakness? Pardon my French but you’re a fucking moron, capisce? Do you use and manipulate people as an way to confort yourself from your frustrating life? Two phrases back, please. Why don’t you make your statements about how moronic is your way to deal with feelings and save me from your colossal stupidity and my motherfuckin’ time?
The question is: this ranting guy once in his life had a caring person. Of course, her strong (in fact strong) personality could shadow it a bit but whatna fierce loyalty. Beyond cheating or anything like that, I’m talking about respect and generosity, true altruism. And for the first time in my life I saw a girl that I could love and know that shw totally deserved even the double.
I’ll never forget the first time we met, many years ago, how that eyes invited me to a dangerous but rewarding adventure. How they set me completely at fire. And the few words the said that day worth years of daily babble. Beavouire and Sartre. You know, dear reader, one of a kind.
And many years later, after life giving her presence back to me, when I finally touched those perfecly drawn lips I knew that I didn’t deserve such an amazing girl with me, so superior, so out of my league… however a miracle happened and we stayed together. It was like a boy who never swinged a bat in his whole life making a damn “home run”. The One… that what she was, is and will ever be for me. The first at everything for me.
Well… I screwed it all. This idiot going into his finest and she her darkest hour. A miserable failure and fracass. And how I miss her… how I miss those melancholic eyes craved at me, and how their change into complete joy could make feel the same. Every kiss, every fight, laugh, cry, smile, fight and fuck, at every moment I knew that she was a goddess. My goddess. Not anymore. I ought to be shot by the whole Chinese Red Army.
Well, that’s it. So my friend all that I say is listen to “New York Minute” by Eagles. Eat your vegetables and keep your love to someone worthy of it. I’ve found and lost. I really hope things turn out way better for you. See ya.